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Aside from his own presumptuous desire for Kinain, Asad thought everything was proceeding smoothly.
Inside the palace, Kinain looked happy. When he’d heard Kinain tried to go outside, he’d worried — but seeing no repeat attempts since, it seemed he’d set his curiosity aside for now. Or his interest had shifted to Asad.
Since the impulsive kiss, Kinain had not only grown more physically affectionate but showed far more interest in Asad than before.
Today alone was proof.
“Your hands are huge. Let’s see how much bigger than mine.”
By day, he’d said that, taking his hand and lacing their fingers —
“It’s a bit cold at night… how about we just sleep warm together?”
— and at night, when Asad tried to leave the room, he’d caught him.
Things like this had continued every day since. Each time Kinain did so, Asad had to drag his patience to its very limit. It was torture, but truthfully, he didn’t dislike it.
Every time he faced those eyes sparkling with life — so different from the dying Kinain — an emotion rose that was hard to tell as joy or sorrow.
If he hadn’t met me, His Highness would have grown old looking just like this.
Asad knew that his existence had stolen the shining future that had been given to Kinain.
Even now, he wanted to somehow return what had been lost because of him. If only Kinain would desire life, he would gladly lay at his feet every precious thing in the world. He would make for him the life he’d wanted to live, the life he’d wished for.
Which was why His Highness must not recover his memories yet.
If he remembered, Kinain might try to give up on life again. So Asad had thoroughly hidden anything that could become a clue to his memories, and sought to restore his will to live. This palace was a stage built for that purpose.
It’s not far now.
At this rate, Kinain would soon find the hunger for life.
Perhaps because he’d thought that, Asad dreamed that night — for once, not a nightmare. A dream of Kinain, alive again, smiling at him.
“Asad, I’m back.”
When he opened his eyes, Asad knew it had been a dream. The hollow feeling lasted only a moment. Looking around, he realized once again that he was lying in Kinain’s bedroom.
Damn…
Chagrin settled over Asad’s face. He’d held out well for days, but he must have dozed off meaning only to close his eyes briefly.
Asad decided he had to slip out before Kinain woke. The Kinain who actively seduced him was dangerous, but the defenseless sleeping Kinain was dangerous too. Asad knew his self-control wasn’t that outstanding. He had to leave this place before he did something regrettable.
But the spot beside him, where his gaze turned, was empty. Asad soon realized Kinain wasn’t in the bedroom.
“Your Highness?”
He hastily sat up. The entire palace was enveloped in Asad’s magic, so finding Kinain wasn’t difficult. He immediately grasped where Kinain was, then moved there in an instant.
Kinain stood before a firmly shut iron gate in the middle of a garden ringed by high walls. Seeing Kinain’s back to him, his hands covered in wounds, Asad’s heart dropped cold. And realizing at once that these were traces of trying to get out of this place, he stopped breathing for a moment.
“Why are you in such a place?”
He’d deliberately made his presence known, yet Kinain only stared at the gate without turning. Only when Asad called once more did Kinain turn his body.
“One question.”
Kinain looked nonchalant, but Asad now knew this was the face he made when trying to hide his feelings. The foreboding he’d felt since waking alone in the bed kept growing.
“Were we really lovers?”
“…Of course. Why do you suddenly ask such a thing?”
Asad answered, hiding his unease.
But deep in his heart, he already knew.
“But you… tried to kill me.” That Kinain had finally remembered — and the very memory Asad had most hoped he would never recall.
Like ink spilled across paper, the clear sky began to darken in an instant. The warm sunlight lost its light, and the air turned cold and heavy.
“…Your Highness.”
What delusion had he been under? Daring to believe this sweet reprieve would last forever?
“Asad, I don’t know what wrong you’ve done me, but whatever it is, I’ll forgive you.”
Had he dared to harbor such hope — that at this rate Kinain would be safe, and that perhaps he might truly be forgiven for all he’d done…?
Nausea surged at the desire still lingering inside him though he’d trampled it to death. Above all, his throat felt like burning at the thought that Kinain might now make the wrong choice. Without realizing it, Asad reached out toward Kinain. But the moment he raised his hand, Kinain flinched and stepped back. At that, Asad froze with his shocked face fully exposed.
Seeing him, Kinain smiled awkwardly.
“Sorry, but please don’t come closer right now. I haven’t remembered everything, so I’m confused.”
Even if Kinain hadn’t said so, Asad couldn’t have approached further. Kinain was trying hard to seem calm, but the emotion in his eyes as he looked at Asad was unmistakable fear.
Kinain… was afraid of him.
From the moment he realized that, Asad couldn’t breathe properly. As if buried alive.
Gathering the last breath left in his lungs as if to cough it out, Asad forced the words.
“Do you… think I would harm you?”
Kinain answered neither yes nor no. He only asked one thing.
“Haven’t you already?” That question broke Asad.
The shining gold eyes darkened as if shadowed.
“You…”
When dark red blood flowed once more from Asad’s nose, Kinain flinched without realizing it. But unlike before, instead of hurrying over to fuss over Asad, he just stood there.
Asad blankly took in Kinain’s completely changed attitude.
In this moment, he was clearly facing what he had broken.
“Asad, I knew you were hiding something from me. But I pretended not to know because I believed your worry for me was sincere. Now I don’t know.”
“Your Highness…”
“If we were lovers like you say, then what are these memories? You truly despised me. You wanted to hurt me, wanted to kill me.”
Kinain’s gaze wavered painfully. Wrapping his arms around himself protectively, he stepped back another pace.
“It was… so scary and painful…”
If he were the thirty-year-old Kinain, accustomed to enduring pain through countless trials, he wouldn’t be saying this now.
But the Kinain here was in a state of having recovered only his nineteen-year-old memories, with a few sudden fragments of Dragon Palace memories surfacing. Those fragments alone were enough to frighten him.
Contemptuous gazes.
Insulting words.
Terrible pains that seemed to burn and pierce body and mind, finally shattering him.
Incredibly, it was the man called his lover who had given all of it to Kinain.
“Why… why did you do that to me?”
Because he’d believed in Asad’s sincere heart, the betrayal Kinain felt when the memories surfaced was greater than anything.
“I told you not to come closer!”
Kinain shrieked convulsively at the sight of Asad moving. He’d been trying to stay calm, but the fear he’d hidden exploded the instant Asad tried to approach despite his words.
He strangled me. He wanted to kill me.
The moment he first opened his eyes and saw Asad looking at him, Kinain had known. He hadn’t known who this beautiful man was, but his worry for him was surely sincere.
And in the same way, he’d known. The contemptuous gaze, the insulting words, the cruel actions had been sincere too.
He hadn’t recalled every memory, and didn’t want to know more. He was only afraid of how many more terrible memories might be hiding.
Watching the halted Asad, Kinain retreated hesitantly. Soon his back touched the cold iron gate.
In a trembling voice, Kinain demanded,
“Open this door.”
“Your Highness… please don’t.”
“Planning to keep me locked up here?”
“It was for Your Highness.”
“For yourself, more like. I must have looked ridiculous, showing you favor knowing nothing? Come to think of it, there were times I felt you didn’t want me to recover my memories. You want to keep toying with me, but isn’t it enough already?”
Kinain roughly wiped the tears streaming down his cheeks with his sleeve. A complicated emotion, whether fear or betrayal, welled up and the tears wouldn’t stop. He hadn’t wanted to confirm this way that he’d sincerely trusted and liked the man.
Just then, Asad slowly sank to his knees.
“I know what I did to you can never be forgiven. But Your Highness, there is no falsehood in my saying this is for you.”
Kinain was at a loss for words. It felt unreal — this man, who seemed like he’d never kneel to anyone, kneeling before his very eyes, pleading so desperately.
“Please. Just this once… won’t you trust me?”
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