← The Doomed Mercenary’s Last Chance
Kinain dropped his head. A hollow laugh slipped through his lips.
“Trust you? When have I ever *not* trusted you?”
There had been many suspicious things about this palace. Did he really not know that? The reason he’d readily gone along with Asad’s obviously false words was because he’d believed in one thing alone. Asad’s sincerity toward him.
He’d believed the heart contained in the gaze that looked at him, in the tone of voice, in the actions.
But the recovered memories were horrific beyond measure.
It wasn’t that he remembered everything. Unlike his memories up to age nineteen, the ones he’d recovered this time were specific scenes, fragmented like shards. In some memories, Kinain was verbally abused by Asad; in others, his throat was strangled.
What those memories had in common was that Asad appeared in them, and that the eyes looking at him were cold — unlike now.
How could the man kneeling before him, pleading, possibly be the same person who’d treated him as if he were filthy trash?
“How could I possibly be your lover, after such things…” If Asad had denied it, Kinain would have believed him. But Asad’s resigned reaction only confirmed that those memories weren’t fantasies Kinain had invented.
His eyes burned. Kinain wiped his face with his sleeve again. He wasn’t originally someone who cried easily. He hadn’t shed a single tear even when Hasan had punched him without warning until his eye swelled black and blue. He’d only cried when a beloved sword broke, or when a sword wouldn’t obey him and he was frustrated. But now it was many times more painful and infuriating than then.
“I really was a fool. How could I speak of forgiveness, remembering nothing?”
If this was the price of trust, he’d never be able to trust anyone again.
“Open the door.”
“…….”
“I said open it!”
Asad remained kneeling there, unmoving.
“I’m sorry.”
“You’ll keep me locked up here?”
“I’m sorry.”
Bang!
Kinain slammed his fist into the door. The firmly locked iron door didn’t budge. It struck him suddenly that this wasn’t a door at all. It merely mimicked the shape of a door — in truth, it was a wall. There were no doors in this palace. Asad had never intended to let him out of here from the start.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
Kinain pounded the door with his fists over and over like a madman. This time, it wasn’t to open the door.
“…Please don’t. You’ll hurt yourself.”
At the voice that had drawn near without him noticing, Kinain’s body flinched. Trembling eyes watched the hand reaching toward him.
Ah, I remember. I decided to pull out the tongue first.
“D-don’t touch me!”
Kinain swatted the approaching hand away convulsively. He didn’t see Asad’s pained expression in that moment.
The instant he registered the closing distance, the pain from his memories began to feel vividly real.
Kinain realized his body was trembling finely without him knowing. He couldn’t meet Asad’s eyes. He was afraid that if he raised his head, Asad would be looking at him with cold eyes, just like in his memories.
“I was wrong. Don’t hurt yourself — punish me instead.” Asad seemed to be saying something to him, but he couldn’t hear it properly. Asad’s voice overlapped with the voices from his memories. Those voices that had despised and insulted him.
“Get away…”
One who doesn’t know the pain of being stabbed by a sword doesn’t fear the sword. But one who knows can’t help but be terrified. Because they know how much it hurts.
Tall frame, thick bones, large hands.
The parts that had only looked good when he didn’t remember — now he knew how they’d hurt him. He knew how cold that man could become toward him, how strongly those hands could force him.
The moment unbearable fear flooded in, Kinain began fleeing deeper into the palace. It didn’t matter where. Anywhere Asad wasn’t.
Running down the corridor, Kinain finally couldn’t hold back his nausea. He wanted to vomit out everything inside him, but nothing came up.
Bracing against the corridor wall, he barely moved his feet forward. Fortunately, the farther he got from Asad, the more the trembling subsided. His frozen mind gradually started turning again.
Had Asad really been his lover? Was that a lie too? But he’d clearly felt an inexplicable pull toward Asad. That was why, when Asad had called himself his lover, he’d believed without a shred of doubt.
What on earth was going on.
His head and his heart were saying different things — it was confusing.
Kinain pressed his forehead against the wall.
“Remember…”
But his mind stayed quiet, as if that was all he’d recall today.
Rage at himself surged.
“If you can’t remember properly, better to recall nothing at all! I don’t know what’s true and what’s false —”
At that moment, the corridor where Kinain stood rippled like smoke. Over it, the shape of another corridor flickered into view and vanished, over and over. Like a painting with its overcoat peeling away.
What’s that?
He wondered if he’d slammed his forehead too hard, but he hadn’t seen wrong. Blinking blankly, he began walking as if drawn by something.
When he came to his senses, Kinain was standing in a room he’d never seen.
When did I come here?
It felt like being spellbound. Kinain rubbed his goosebumped arms. It wasn’t only because of this bizarre situation.
A giant crystal occupying half the room. Cold air was flowing from it.
Belatedly, Kinain realized it wasn’t crystal but an enormous block of ice.
“Why is something like this here… Hic!”
Drawing close, Kinain recoiled in shock.
There was something inside the ice.
“What… what is this?”
Hesitating, Kinain drew close again.
The moment he finally confirmed what was inside, Kinain let out a soundless scream and staggered back.
“B-brother?”
“That is not Hasan.”
Kinain slowly turned. He hadn’t sensed anyone following, yet Asad was there.
“How…”
“I’ve cast magic so that I may know wherever Your Highness is.” Magic? If anyone else had answered like that, he’d have snapped at them not to joke. But the absurd answer didn’t feel like a lie. Because at that moment, like the corridor scenery, Asad’s form had flickered for an instant.
It was a very brief moment, but Kinain clearly saw behind the veil. A face covered in pitch-black scales.
Asad, seeming to notice Kinain had seen his true form, covered his face with his hand.
“You’re… not human.” Then all the strange things he’d experienced were explained.
“What are you? What did you do to me?”
“I…”
“Don’t think of deceiving me anymore. Tell me the truth!”
Asad looked at Kinain with an anguished face. Every time he realized Kinain feared him, he crumbled.
The Kinain at the Dragon Palace had never once properly spoken about what he’d endured.
He’d always only said he was fine, and pretended to be. So Asad had unconsciously assumed he would be fine. Though there was no way he could have been fine, after such things.
In truth, he had never once been fine…
“I am… Your Highness’s dragon… and you are my last scale. All I want is to return life to Your Highness. So please… do not fear me.”
Confusion settled over Kinain’s face.
That being, exuding such an ominous aura, was a sacred dragon?
And why speak of returning life to him, when he was already alive?
Just then, something cold and hard touched his back. He must have stepped backward without realizing, bumping into the ice behind him.
Kinain’s gaze naturally turned to the person inside the ice.
It’s not Hasan.
Just as Asad had said. Similar, but on closer inspection the features were different, and he was far smaller than Hasan. Even accounting for an omega’s characteristic frame, the man in the ice was thin as a twig.
Above all, he was already dead.
And died very painfully…
With his heart torn out while still alive.
“Your Highness!”
Kinain found himself collapsed on the floor. His vision was blurry — he realized he was crying.
Right, I… died.
He didn’t remember why he’d died, or what had happened before his death. The horrific pain he’d felt before dying covered everything.
But surely that pain had ended then?
Then why was he here again? Why did he have to feel this pain again?
He wanted to stop now. Without any pain, he just wanted to be at peace.
Crack.
The moment he thought that, he heard something like shattering.
Like cracked porcelain, fissures were forming along his arm.
“No!”
He heard a scream. Beyond his blurry vision, he saw someone running toward him. When he blinked, the face of the man looking at him became clear.
I think I saw this face last, that time too.
But it was too painful to continue the thought.
“It hurts…”
Kinain murmured. His body wasn’t actually feeling pain, yet the revived memories alone tormented him.
“Your Highness, no. Not yet.”
Asad hastily seized Kinain’s body, trying to restore him. But he couldn’t stop the doll that had already begun to break.
Asad bit his lip.
Now there was only one way left.
“Your Highness, make a wish.”
“…A wish?”
“How do you feel right now? In pain? Tormented? Surely not. In your mind right now, those things never happened.”
At that moment, he heard a voice like singing from somewhere.
“Don’t forget this sensation. And when you someday wish to make a wish, think of now. Kinain, you can make everything that happened to you never have happened.”
“‘Make everything… never have happened…’” Kinain murmured blankly.
“My wish is…”
Before Kinain’s words were complete, Asad intuited what he would wish for.
At that moment, he had to muster all his strength to suppress the desire to cover Kinain’s mouth.
No.
Even if Kinain suffered because of him, even if he could never forgive him… he wanted to stay by his side.
What a selfish greed it was. Having vowed to give Kinain the life he wished for, yet insisting that he himself must be in that life.
The tragedy that befell them was not Asad’s fault. Sinsuriel’s obsession, being abandoned by his parents — none of it had happened because Asad wished it.
But the horrific things Kinain had endured were all Asad’s responsibility.
He had to stay by his side. He must not leave Kinain to suffer alone.
When walking a path of thorns, he wanted to carry him; he wanted to take the flying arrows in his stead. He wanted to place only good things in his hands, to cover his eyes from bad things.
He’d promised to cherish and love him so — yet it was he himself who had wounded him.
So this time, at least…
“I shall grant Your Highness’s wish.”
***
“Hah!”
Kinain’s eyes flew open as he sat up in bed. His whole body was soaked in cold sweat. It felt like he’d had a terrible nightmare.
“But what was the dream…”
No matter how he tried to recall, he couldn’t think of it.
“Well, a dream’s just a dream.” His body felt sticky — he’d wash first.
Sinking into the warm bathwater the servants had quickly prepared, his tension finally eased somewhat.
Suddenly Kinain gazed at his reflection on the water’s surface.
A strong-featured face, a solid frame, skin tanned nicely by the sun.
His own appearance, bearing the unmistakable traits of a dominant alpha, somehow felt unfamiliar.
“…Nah, I’ve looked at it for twenty-one years — unfamiliar, my ass.” Kinain shook off the dissonance with a light laugh.
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