⚠ Content note for this chapter: explicit sexual content.
On top of that, a kind footnote was attached, even enlarged: the watch on that omega’s wrist was a gift from Han Jaeheon, priced at 80 million won. That watch… was identical to the one Han Jaeheon had fastened directly onto Eunseo’s wrist last time, except for the dial color.
His head felt like it would split. His head hadn’t ached like this even when the back of it had been cracked. It felt like something was stabbing the insides of his eyes, so Eunseo dropped the phone as if throwing it and covered his face with both hands. What had he been going to tell him, what had he been going to confess — a hollow laugh burst out at himself for having thought such things. But soon the laugh slowly died.
“Why on earth…”
Unable to bear even taking it out with his mouth, Eunseo chewed the words inside. While he chewed them over several times, dozens of times, hundreds of times, darkness completely swallowed the room. And the intercom began to ring.
“Senior.”
An affable voice flowed in from outside the front door. Han Jaeheon, as always, would never back off. Soon the phone began to ring. Gazing at the sparkling latest phone, Eunseo slowly reached out his hand and took it.
“You’re inside, so why won’t you open the door.” “Should I just open it and come in?” “…Please go back.”
Right now, he really didn’t want to see him.
“What’s wrong?” “…Executive Director.” “Why, you were going to come to where I was earlier.” “…”
He knew he was nothing to him, he thought he knew. While he hesitated, he heard the front door opening. Running over in a hurry, he slammed the door shut with a bang, and outside Jaeheon burst out laughing as if incredulous. But it soon stopped.
“What are you doing right now?” “Please go back.” “I’m about to get annoyed.”
As the cold sweat that had beaded on his back dried coldly, goosebumps rose. He gripped the handle tight and put his whole weight on the door pushing it, but it soon became meaningless. The handle turned with a flick, the door swung open with a bang, and Eunseo fell back.
“Why do you put up resistance that won’t even work.”
Jaeheon, who had calmly taken off his shoes and come in, grabbed Eunseo’s chin and pulled it, turning it this way and that.
“Why does your face look worse than yesterday?” “I’m asking why.”
Did Jaeheon not know why?
“I saw the article… about your marriage.” “Well, it ran pretty big.”
Jaeheon, having let go of Eunseo’s chin, shrugged without changing his expression at all. Eunseo’s cheeks froze pale. Even his tongue had gone stiff, so his voice wouldn’t come out properly.
In the darkness, the moonlight shining in made Jaeheon’s cheek glow like silver. Even in this situation, Eunseo couldn’t bear himself for having his eyes stolen by that sight.
“Then with me…”
Swallowing dry saliva, he felt Jaeheon’s gaze land on his lips.
“…Our relationship is over, then.” “Why?”
A pure question floated on his face. Eunseo felt like he’d fallen into a labyrinth. A labyrinth with no way out no matter how far forward he went — one where no exit existed at all.
“…What do you mean, why. You’re getting married.” “What does my getting married have to do with my relationship with you.” “Wh-what are you saying, how can it have nothing to do with it.” “It’s an arranged marriage anyway.” “Are you… telling me to be your kept lover?”
Jaeheon smiled brightly.
“A kept lover?”
Why is he laughing? No sooner had he wondered than Eunseo felt a pain like the back of his head would split.
“Are you and I in a relationship that could be called a kept lover?”
I wish I were blind and deaf. It already seems I can’t speak. Eunseo wished for it desperately, staring into empty air. He clenched his trembling hands and chewed his dried-up tongue. He’d known — known it was a nothing relationship — and yet… and yet…
“We were just doing what feels good for each other — what name would you put on that?”
At the added words, his vision swam. Swallowing saliva that tasted of blood, Eunseo barely opened his throat and drew out his voice.
“Then… why did you… treat me like that…”
“What?” “Why did you treat me like that…”
Gently, like lovers. As if we were in love. Why so much that it made me want to deny and mistake everything you’d said… Eunseo squeezed his eyes shut and opened them. His trembling cheeks stiffened and loosened repeatedly, and a blue vein stood out on his neck then faded.
At the edge of his vision caught the edge of the expensive watch Han Jaeheon had given him — no longer even sure it had been a gift. The same watch that had looked so good on the beautiful omega’s wrist in that photo. Thinking of the hands that had fastened it, and of that night it was fastened, made him nauseous. He’d prayed it wasn’t payment, at least — this was worse.
“Then… those things… the watch and the clothes you gave me…”
I wish I could go blind and deaf. It already felt like I’d lost my voice anyway. Eunseo stared into empty air, wishing for it desperately. He balled his trembling hands into fists and chewed his dried-out tongue. He’d known — he’d known it was nothing, a relationship that was nothing at all, and yet… and yet…
“We were just doing what felt good together. What name would you even put on that?”
His vision swam at the added words. Swallowing saliva that tasted of blood, Eunseo barely forced his throat open and dragged out his voice.
“Then why… why did you act that way with me…”
“Like what?”
“Why were you so…”
So tender, like lovers. Like people in love. So much so that he wanted to deny everything Jaeheon had said, wanted it all to be a misunderstanding — why… Eunseo squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them. His trembling cheeks kept going rigid and slack, rigid and slack, and blue veins rose and faded on his neck.
At the edge of his vision caught the tip of the expensive watch Han Jaeheon had given him — though he couldn’t even be sure anymore it had been a gift. The same watch that had looked so perfect on the beautiful omega’s wrist in that photograph. Thinking of the hands that had fastened it on him, and of that night after it was fastened, made him nauseous. He had prayed it wasn’t payment for sex, at least. But this was worse than that.
“Then… those things… the watch and the clothes you gave me…”
Not payment for sex, either…
“Was it… charity?”
If it was charity, at least there would have been pity in it.
“Or was it really… nothing at all…?”
To find himself wishing it had been payment for sex — wishing he’d been a mistress. He’d told him he liked him; his feelings had been laid bare long ago, so how could he be… how could he be so cruel?
“Does that matter?”
“…Yes. To me… it matters.”
Han Jaeheon looked down at Eunseo with dark eyes. The patience visibly draining from his face. Eunseo looked away from his cheeks as they went cold and hard. Between lips that still held a trace of laughter came the venomous words.
“I gave them because you were cute.”
“An obedient dog is cute, you know.”
“…Am I a dog.”
All he’d ever wanted was to quietly like him. Alpha, beta, omega — all of that aside, just that.
He had never wanted to become a nothing relationship — one where, even tangled together and kissing, he wasn’t even treated as a mistress.
“Is it… because I’m a beta?”
Han Jaeheon let out a sigh. The look of boredom on that beautiful face raked hard across Eunseo’s chest.
“I don’t know what you want from me, Senior.”
“Executive Director.”
His chest went cold. As if liquid nitrogen had been poured over the wounded place — growing completely cold, close to absolute zero, as though a single tap would shatter everything. Frozen all the way through.
“…I… I can’t do this.”
“Hmm… is that so?”
“Yes. I can’t… keep going with this… this nothing relationship. You said I could refuse, Executive Director…”
“Ah, how boring.”
Cutting him off mid-sentence, Han Jaeheon closed the distance between them. His pupils, dark beyond dark, sunk pitch-black, pierced into Eunseo’s like spears. Eunseo barely tore his gaze away, but his thin back hit the wall in despair.
“Go ahead and refuse.”
“…Executive Director.”
Swallowing back the plea that threatened to burst out — please — Eunseo opened his sweat-damp palms and balled them into fists again, over and over. He pinned his hopes on the patience Han Jaeheon was showing, so unlike him. If, as he’d said, Eunseo were a dog — a dog he kept and felt affection for — surely he’d hear him out on something like this.
“I…”
The moment he opened his mouth to speak his refusal, pheromones began pouring down from above his head. At the sickeningly potent scent and the feel of it, Eunseo hurriedly drew breath. This was beyond the level released as foreplay for joining bodies. It was like…
“Haha, this is really a funny situation.”
Han Jaeheon pressed his body close, wedging a thigh between Eunseo’s legs. Eunseo tried somehow to push him away as he looked down with eyes that seemed lit red, but every resistance came to nothing in an instant. Gripping Eunseo’s wrists together in one hand and shaking them, Han Jaeheon pulled him closer. The strength drained from behind his knees and he couldn’t even stand properly.
“Fuck, a rut after three years.”
“Hh…”
Cradling Eunseo’s face with his remaining hand and pulling him in, Han Jaeheon roughly ravaged his mouth, then whispered low.
“I think I’m more than a little out of my mind…”
His brain half-melted, the meaning wouldn’t come through. Eunseo could only move his lashes, already growing damp, up and down, overwhelmed just keeping his melting body upright. With their faces close enough for their lips to brush, Han Jaeheon slowly rubbed under Eunseo’s chin with his finger.
“Let’s decide who’s insane later.”
***
Just as Han Jaeheon was in his first rut in three years, Eunseo was in his first heat in three years. Heat rising from his lower belly traveled through the veins of his whole body and melted his brain smooth. Eunseo leaned nearly all his weight on the hard thigh between his legs and thirstily sucked the tongue filling his mouth.
The tongue that had entered like a cock scraped his palate as it withdrew, and his back arched on its own. What had gone in again all the way to his throat swept the wet underside of his tongue as it left. When he urgently gripped hard enough to crumple the jacket, Han Jaeheon laughed.
His vision blurred. This was nothing like the amount of pheromones Han Jaeheon had released when they’d been together before. It felt like even the air was churning, as if he had motion sickness, and his stomach turned, and he could feel an organ he’d never been conscious of generating heat.
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