“…You don’t really need alcohol to talk, you know.”
“Still, have some. I can’t drink alone.”
Under the gentle pressure, Eunseo took the glass Han Jaeheon held out to him. Han Jaeheon filled the glass in front of him in the blink of an eye and raised it, and Eunseo clinked it with the drinking posture that had become second nature to him since his grad school days. Watching the gesture, Han Jaeheon let out a low laugh a couple of times.
Eunseo merely dipped his lips in the amber liquid and set the glass down, but Han Jaeheon, living up to the word “straight,” poured the whole glass down his throat. Even one drop is bitter — how is he drinking like that without flinching? Watching him not even pick up a piece of fruit, Eunseo was briefly overcome by a strange fascination.
“I’m going for an MBA.”
“An MBA?”
“I have to inherit the company.”
“Ah….”
Probably a chaebol heir. Eunseo recalled Han Jaeheon’s background once more and nodded. And then he realized there were truly few chances left to see Han Jaeheon. After next week’s final exams, it really would be over.
“What about you, TA?”
“Ah, I…”
“Your thesis defense must be over by now.”
“Yes, I have a job lined up.”
“I see.”
Han Jaeheon drank again. Eunseo anxiously alternated his gaze between the shrinking bottle and the empty glass, urging him to at least eat some snacks, but he refused again. After that repeated three or four times, Eunseo lost the will to keep urging, but his worry only grew.
“TA, why do you like me?”
As if reading his agitated heart, Han Jaeheon came at his weak spot with a hook. …Would it be better to just drink now and black out? Eunseo looked at the half-empty bottle, but he couldn’t bring himself to drink. It tasted too awful.
He stalled — because he didn’t want to answer, because he had nothing to say — but Han Jaeheon was persistent. Eunseo stared at the glinting corner of the table and spoke in a voice lowered as far as it would go.
“…Does there have to be a reason?”
“It’s just hard to understand.”
“……..”
“Do you want to sleep with me?”
“That’s….”
Why was “like” being swapped for “sleep with”? Sure, that act was part of it, but there was plenty else in Eunseo’s “like.” It seemed like that was all it was for Han Jaeheon.
“That’s what?”
“…I haven’t thought about it.”
Before Eunseo even finished speaking, Han Jaeheon burst out laughing. Unable to tell what kind of laugh it was, Eunseo just poured more ice water down his throat.
“TA, you’re cute.”
“……..”
“‘Haven’t thought about it,’ haha….”
After that, Han Jaeheon drank in silence. He seemed deep in thought, so Eunseo didn’t find it easy to speak up.
“I think you’re drinking… a bit too much.”
“If I get drunk and pass out, will you take me home too?”
“…Huh?”
Too? A question mark floated up in Eunseo’s head.
“Ah, I don’t know where your place is, so that wouldn’t work….”
“You don’t really seem that drunk, though.”
“It just doesn’t show on the outside with me.”
“…Is that right?”
“Yeah, I think my memory’s already completely gone.”
Han Jaeheon held up the empty whiskey bottle and smiled — more beautifully than ever. Watching the beaming, eye-smiling Han Jaeheon, half in a daze, Eunseo hurriedly drank his ice water. He could feel the heat rush from the nape of his neck up to his face.
“Do you like my face that much?”
“That’s….”
“Even if I wanted to pretend not to notice, I can’t.”
A slightly cool palm touched his burning cheek. Like that day when he’d been crying, Han Jaeheon’s thumb pressed hard against his lips once and fell away, then stroked his cheek and jaw.
“Ah, I’m really going to cry.”
And then his hand dropped away with a tap, and Han Jaeheon collapsed right where he sat. Completely without warning.
“Uh…”
“……..”
“Han Jaeheon?”
Han Jaeheon was asleep. Startled, Eunseo went over and shook his shoulder a few times, but there was no reaction at all — only quiet breathing. Eunseo, who’d been startled enough for his heart to drop, sat back down and just stroked his chest a few times. So it was true that it didn’t show on the outside.
“…You really know how to scare a person.”
It would have been understandable to be annoyed at having to deal with a drunk person twice in one day, but Eunseo shouldered Han Jaeheon’s bag without a complaint and, staggering under the weight, got his coat on him too. Since he had no choice but to dress him while practically half-embracing him, his alcohol-laced breath brushed the tip of his nose, and his heated skin grazed against him. Each time, Eunseo paused, took a deep breath, and in the end got Han Jaeheon properly dressed.
“I’ll pay.”
Eunseo, who’d been thinking it was lucky Han Jaeheon had drunk himself to sleep since that meant he could pay the bill himself, froze at the amount.
“One-point-five million won?”
“Yes, you had the 30-year Ballantine.”
The employee looked at Eunseo with a face that said this was cheap. What could possibly cost that much? To Eunseo, for whom “expensive alcohol” had only ever meant imported draft beer at ten thousand won a glass, being flustered was unavoidable. He still had no credit card, and the account linked to his debit card didn’t have a million won — not even a hundred thousand. Sighing, Eunseo hesitated at the register, then had no choice but to dig through his bag and pull out the envelope with Han Jaeheon’s name on it.
“…Here.”
His hand probably didn’t tremble as he handed over two one-million-won checks, and the employee casually gave him back ten fifty-thousand-won bills. Eunseo swallowed dryly, took them, put them back in the envelope, and shoved the envelope deep into his bag.
“One-point-five million won.”
Why is one bottle so insanely expensive? At a loss as to where he’d ever get that money back, Eunseo clutched his strangely heating head, then let go. Then he roused Han Jaeheon, slumped against his shoulder, and started up the stairs.
Han Jaeheon really did seem deeply asleep — no sign of waking even as Eunseo dragged him along roughly like a piece of luggage. Groaning, he climbed all the stairs and was breathless by the time he reached the top. Sure enough, supporting a guy much bigger than himself twice in one day — drunk ones, at that — was no easy task.
“Han Jaeheon.”
He called out hoping he might wake, but Han Jaeheon stayed silent. What do I do. Eunseo stood in the street, unable to move. With Jin Seunghu, he’d known where his house was, so he could have just taken him there — but since he didn’t know where Han Jaeheon lived, he couldn’t even decide which direction to walk.
“Where do you live?”
He knew asking a passed-out drunk was pointless, but there was no other way. Eunseo even pulled Han Jaeheon’s phone from his coat — only to find the battery completely dead.
…Should I take him to my place?
After a moment’s thought, Eunseo concluded he absolutely could not bring Han Jaeheon to his own home. He’d hardly get to see him anymore, and he didn’t want to leave even the faintest trace of Han Jaeheon there.
Eunseo stared for a long time at the motels lined up before him. A motel… taking a drunk person inside shouldn’t be a big problem. He wandered around for a while looking for a good one, then found a reasonably clean unmanned motel and went in.
Thankfully his debit card held enough to cover the room, so Eunseo paid and picked a room. He picked one that looked unremarkable, and it was a relief that the room was like a regular business hotel room.
“Ngh….”
After dumping Han Jaeheon onto the bed, Eunseo kneaded his aching shoulders and arms for a long while. Having supported Han Jaeheon all the way from the street — however long that had taken — it was already 1 a.m. Sighing, Eunseo was about to leave the room right away, but looking down at Han Jaeheon lying uncomfortably, he set his bag down for a moment and started tidying up.
He took off his coat and hung it up, took off his still-worn shoes and set them by the door, and was about to take off more of his clothes when his hand stopped short. He couldn’t work up the courage to go that far. Groaning with the effort, he pulled the blanket out from under him — Han Jaeheon looked like the lean type, but perhaps because his whole body was solid, he seemed to weigh quite a lot — and covered him with it.
…Why do I like him? Because he’s handsome, that’s why. And because he was helplessly kind sometimes. Until the funeral, Eunseo had thought he’d be able to forget Han Jaeheon just fine. But the Han Jaeheon who’d come at that dawn was kind beyond reason, and now he couldn’t be sure anymore. Far from giving up after hearing he wasn’t even seen as a dating prospect, he’d only come to like him more. At this feeling — one even he couldn’t understand — Eunseo clawed at his chest.
And after just gazing at him sleeping quietly, he reached out and carefully stroked his smooth cheek. Cursing his own nerve — not even up to a stolen kiss — he didn’t even try. Because doing that to someone who didn’t even like him would be no different from molestation.
How long had he stayed like that? The moment Eunseo carefully drew his hand back, Han Jaeheon snapped his eyes open.
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