“Any songs you like?”
“…I don’t know much about piano.”
“Doesn’t have to be piano.”
“…Then… that… animation with the big ball or rabbit or whatever….”
Eunseo reached back to a very early memory. When his mother was still alive, she’d often shown him fairytale-like animations, and he remembered the music from back then.
“My Neighbor Totoro?”
“Ah, I think that was it.”
“Totoro’s cute, right.”
Smiling softly, Han Jaeheon gazed down at Eunseo for a moment, then set his hands back on the keys. And in one go he drew out a familiar tune. He could almost see the bright, bouncing notes.
Eunseo watched only the dazzling fingers moving before his eyes, now and then lifting his head to gaze at Han Jaeheon’s profile. That too only briefly — then he lowered his head again. When the piece ended, Han Jaeheon moved straight to the next one. It sounded familiar to Eunseo too — probably another song from the same animation.
“You like this kind of thing?”
“…This kind of thing?”
“Like Totoro.”
“Not particularly… it just came to mind.”
“Looks like you’re getting a call.”
They were sitting close enough that Jaeheon felt the buzz of Eunseo’s phone in his pocket just as clearly. Eunseo jumped up from his seat and pulled out the phone; seeing a number he didn’t recognize at all, he hesitated over whether to answer. Most unknown numbers were spam calls or voice phishing and not worth picking up, but… Eunseo tapped the call button, grateful to the caller for freeing him from that awkward position, however briefly.
“Hello?” – Yes, is this Mr. Shin Eunseo? “Yes, speaking.” – Your father’s name is Shin Changho, correct? “Ah, yes…” – This is Korea University Hospital — you’ll need to come in. “Pardon?”
A university hospital? Flustered, Eunseo opened his mouth, then closed it again.
“What’s wrong with him?” – That’s… difficult to discuss over the phone. “Yes, I’ll be right there.” – Yes, and… it would be best to come prepared.
Staring blankly at the call that had cut off so abruptly, Eunseo hurried back to the table and pulled on his jumper. His mind felt completely blank. His father was in the hospital — a university hospital, no less —
—and they told me to “come prepared,” so just how bad is it, where—
“TA.” “……..” “TA.”
The sweet music that had been tickling his ears was already fading out. Eunseo chewed on his lip with a face gone completely bleak, and only looked up when Jaeheon called his name several times.
“Ah, I’m sorry… I need to get to the hospital. Right now, so…” “Korea University Hospital, right?” “Yes, I’m sorry, but a taxi. No — how do I get there from here…” “TA.” “…Yes?”
As if telling him to get a grip, Jaeheon grabbed both his shoulders and gave them one shake. Only then did Eunseo’s eyes meet Jaeheon’s face.
“If we leave now it’ll take about two hours.” “….” “Ask me to take you.”
Jaeheon was shameless. Whose fault was it they’d come all this way — and he wanted Eunseo to “ask”? Even in his half-dazed state, Eunseo couldn’t hide his disbelief. But thanks to that, his head cooled just a little.
“It’s fine. I can take a taxi, take the train…” “Hmm.” “Enjoy the rest of your time here, Jaeheon-ssi…”
Remembering Jaeheon’s face as he played the piano, Eunseo wanted him to enjoy a little more of this time, and said he’d go back alone. But before he could even finish, Jaeheon was already pulling on the trench coat the owner had brought over.
“You’re a tough one, TA.” “……..” “I’ll drive you.”
***
For the two hours on the way to the hospital, Eunseo tormented his lip with anxiety. And he kept clenching and unclenching his hands, so hard the backs went white.
He’d thought a day like this might come someday. With a roof over his head but nowhere to properly lay his body down, his father had been drinking like it was water. Every time Eunseo visited, his face looked worse, and Eunseo had begged him again and again to live together somehow, but each time his father only got angrier and raised his hands.
He should have lived with him. Then at least things wouldn’t have gotten this bad. But what good was regretting it now? It had already happened, and time
could not be turned back, so it was better to stop thinking about it.
Eunseo had run the simulation countless times. Always assuming the worst, he’d pictured the day he might suddenly get word that his father had died. Or that his father might die as a man with no next of kin, and he might not even be contacted. But every time, he had no idea what he was supposed to do.
He’d spent years building hypotheses and proving them out. And yet he couldn’t carry out a single step of the process. The moment he imagined his father dying and being left alone in this world, a sense of loss fell before his eyes like a pitch-black blackout curtain.
“TA.” “…Yes?” “We’re almost there.” “Ah… yes.”
Clasping his trembling hands tight, Eunseo stared only at the green sign passing by. The words KOREA UNIVERSITY HOSPITAL stood out bright white on the sign. His mind slowly, completely emptied out. He couldn’t even remember how to move his arms and legs, and sat there motionless for a long while after the car stopped.
“TA.” “……..” “TA.”
Jaeheon grabbed his shoulders and shook them. As he shook limply, the car
light came back into his empty pupils. A large, hot hand gripping his shoulders firmly brought warmth back to his fingertips, which had gone cold and stiff like a corpse’s.
“…Thank you for driving me here.” “……..” “Let me make up for today later, somehow…” “Make-ups are for when you’ve taken a loss.” “……..” “I didn’t take a loss, so no make-up needed.”
Jaeheon had driven him here without even eating dinner, without even getting to play the piano he loved so much. If that wasn’t a loss, what was? Eunseo ground his teeth for a moment, hard enough to make his gums ache.
“…Thank you.”
Barely hiding the tremble in his hands, Eunseo unbuckled his seatbelt and got out. His knees were too weak with fear to hold him, and he nearly collapsed the moment he stepped out of the car — fortunately, that was the only thing that didn’t happen. Dragging his feet slowly, Eunseo soon broke into a run. His head was full of fear, but his body moved first.
As ill luck would have it, the place he rushed into turned out to be not the main entrance but the emergency room side. The oppressive weight of a space filled only with screams and urgency nearly overwhelmed him, and he shook his head again and again. Eunseo barely chased off the fear and managed to stand at the reception desk.
“Um, I’m Shin Changho’s guardian.”
“Just a moment.”
It hadn’t taken long at all, yet he was already out of breath. His fingertips, gripping the reception railing, had gone pale blue.
“Room 523.” “Yes, thank you.” “The doctor’s still here, so if you wait upstairs he’ll come explain.” “Yes.”
The nurse’s businesslike tone somehow settled his nerves. Eunseo thumped his tight chest and took the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator. Running up to the fifth floor without stopping, Eunseo flung open the door to room 523.
“Ah, Father.”
A man with an oxygen mask on, his face yellowed and his whole body swollen — but with eyes still sharp as ever — whipped his head around to look at Eunseo.
“…Are you all right?” “You little shit, if you’ve got eyes can you really ask me if I’m all right?”
The man spat curses the moment he saw Eunseo. With no time to even feel the hurt, Eunseo took in his father’s appearance. It was truly a state no one with eyes could call “all right.”
As he approached the man, who couldn’t even sit upright properly with his belly full of ascites, the doctor asked to see Eunseo for a moment first, and he stepped back out of the room. The cold-faced doctor looked Eunseo over briefly, then
opened his mouth.
“You’re Mr. Shin Changho’s guardian, correct?” “Yes, I’m Shin Eunseo.” “Then come with me to the exam room for a moment.”
Eunseo flinched at the barking shouts coming from beyond the firmly closed door. The doctor, who had been quietly watching him over his glasses, turned and walked off, and Eunseo followed, glancing back several times.
Entering the bleak exam room, the doctor gestured for him to sit in the small chair. Only once seated did Eunseo begin to prepare himself. Now that he sat before the doctor, he finally remembered the mental preparation he’d been unable to manage until now. The doctor patiently waited for Eunseo to take a deep breath.
“First — someone found your father collapsed in Hangang Park and reported it, which is how he came to us.” “Yes…” “He was in a coma for three days and woke up suddenly today, which is how we were able to contact his guardian. If he hadn’t woken up, he would have passed as an unclaimed body.” “……..” “There were a few other matters, but nothing important — we’ll skip those.”
The doctor continued in an extremely businesslike voice. He neither blamed Eunseo nor offered him sympathy.
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