It seemed the Crown Prince — Je Hyeon-wi — would be bound to him for a very long time.
Perhaps forever.
"Irang."
The Crown Prince, gazing steadily into his tear-damp eyes, asked him.
"Do you like me?"
He had to deny it desperately — he knew that the moment a defined feeling passed his lips, it would become a shackle in the end.
"…Yes."
Knowing it, Hui-seo still chose to borrow the wine's courage and give his feelings a name.
"Yes. Your Highness."
The way he had singled Hui-seo out for exception was special. The touch that had covered his ears was tender, and at the thoughtfulness that had looked after his health, one corner of his heart kept helplessly swelling.
To Hui-seo, who had always thirsted for warmth, he was like a snare he could never escape.
Above all, he had lost nothing on Hui-seo's account. His maternal grandfather had lost a daughter, his brother their mother — but the Crown Prince had not. That was why, standing before him, Hui-seo could be simply "Woo Hui-seo," without a trace of indebtedness.
"…I think so. If I may be so bold."
And so he was glad.
Glad enough never to forsake it, even if the day came when this heart drowned him.
"………"
The Crown Prince looked at Hui-seo without a word. For an instant it seemed a smile touched his lips — then it crumbled without a trace.
"Irang."
With hands whose knuckles were thick and long, he stroked Hui-seo's young cheek and whispered.
"Then will you come to my side?"
Hui-seo, not understanding at once, blinked his tear-heavy eyes.
"To my palace. To my side."
"You mean……"
Not a bond named as a teacher's younger brother, or a friend, or a retainer — but to become his.
"…Do you like me?"
The question, carrying a slender tremor, could not hide its bewilderment.
"Do you like me, Wi-rang?"
His words could be read no other way. As he asked again, full of hope, the Crown Prince, looking down at Hui-seo, rubbed his lips.
"I want you."
"………"
"Truly. Desperately."
The touch that had been crumpling his lips fell away, and the Crown Prince bowed his head.
Hair tickling his cheek, and a damp warmth meeting his lips.
His heart rippled with the feeling.
"Then think it over well, my dear."
Smiling at the startled Hui-seo, who could only blink, the Crown Prince whispered it tenderly against his ear. So tenderly it could not be refused.
"………"
Hui-seo clutched at his robes, then, head bowed, burrowed against him. The Crown Prince did not push him away.
***
His head throbbed as if it would split. Clutching his forehead, he tossed about, groaning.
"You're awake."
Why did his head hurt so? As he wondered, Hui-seo barely forced his eyelids up at the voice directed at him.
"…Brother?"
Hui-won, sitting there with a face haggard from the night before, took his hand from his temple.
Hui-seo looked around. The travel pouch set in the corner, the neatly arranged desk, even the blanket covering him — all of it was his own room.
"…What are you doing here, Brother?"
"Don't you remember?"
"Remember?" Hui-seo's rolling eyes halted at the things welling up.
He had met the Crown Prince, received a brush from him, and drunk the parting cup. And then…
"…Ah."
The moment he recalled the whispering voice and the kiss that had touched his lips, a sigh escaped him beyond his control.
"Seeing your reaction, it seems you remember at least something."
Hui-won, having roughly guessed from Hui-seo's reaction, breathed a long sigh.
Mindful of his brother's eye, yet unable to do anything about the heat rising in his face, he hung his head. To keep his hand from straying to his lips, he had to grip the blanket hard enough to show the knuckles.
"Seeing you carried in on Eunuch Won's back — how I…"
Hui-won could not go on.
"No, no. It's not as if you did it knowingly."
Not having expected to get drunk on a single cup and be carried home either, Hui-seo nodded as if conceding, then looked around in surprise.
"What is it?"
"There's something His Highness gave me… ah."
Lifting even the blanket to look, Hui-seo breathed a sigh of relief at the brush lying neatly beside him.
"I tried to take it from you lest it be damaged, but you wouldn't let go at all. And you said His Highness gave it to you. …I see. Of course."
Hui-won's face showed a trouble he couldn't quite hide. Fingering the brush's shaft, Hui-seo looked at him.
"………"
Should he say he couldn't go down to Anseo?
That he'd come to like His Highness, and that His Highness's heart seemed no different. It wasn't unheard of for men whose hearts met to tie a bond, and though he wouldn't dare covet that place, had there not been men who rose even to the empress's seat?
But then. The wish to stay by the Crown Prince's side was not so very far-fetched.
The imperial family's reputation did worry him, of course. But couldn't he manage that by minding his own conduct?
"Brother, I…"
"Grandfather says we should all have breakfast together before he leaves."
"Brother, there's something I must tell you…"
"Get ready and come over."
Hui-won, who had always listened to whatever Hui-seo said, was like a papered wall. Stroking the cheek of his brother, whose lips only worked soundlessly, he turned away with a stiffened face and went out.
He could not bring himself to catch hold of that retreating back.
Hui-won's manner was perfect evasion, perfect severance. So while he finished getting ready and crossed to the sarangchae for the meal, Hui-seo could not rashly open his mouth.
Hui-won did not want the words that would come out of his brother's mouth. Those words might disappoint the brother who was like the heavens to Hui-seo. The moment he realized it, his mouth closed as if glued shut.
And of everything Hui-won had ever done, there was nothing that had not been done with Hui-seo at heart.
But knowing it, his chest only grew pointlessly tight, and all through the meal the food would hardly go down.
"Namgon, how long does it take to reach Anseo?"
"Five to seven days on horseback, but by carriage I'd say a good ten days, my lady."
"…So about twenty days' travel, then."
Having half-forced his meal down, it was soon time for farewells. Standing in the courtyard, Hui-won was chatting warmly with his wife.
Over breakfast Hui-won had said he meant to accompany them on the journey down, and they seemed to be discussing the arrangements.
"I'll ride up on horseback, so I'll arrive sooner than that."
"Still — a good ten days at the least, they say… If I had my way, I'd follow Namgon too."
"The road is too rough for you to come along, my lady. On my return I'll hasten the journey for your sake. So please wait just a little."
At his soothing words, Seo Seol-yeong nodded reluctantly, adding that he mustn't overtax himself for her.
"I tell you, there's no need for you to come along."
"I'll feel at ease only if I escort you myself. His Highness has granted his permission as well, so please don't worry."
The grandfather clicked his tongue but said no more. When the Crown Prince was mentioned he had started, his hand slipping, but managed not to show it.
"Oh — Hui-seo, is your stomach all right?"
"Ah… yes."
Startled by the question suddenly turned on him, Hui-seo glanced about without thinking, then smiled awkwardly and nodded.
"I was worried, with the road so long — I'm glad. But His Highness must have hated this parting too. He might have stayed a little longer in the capital. And yet…."
"Wife. The road is long — we'd best be on our way. That way we can cross the mountains before the sun sets."
Hui-won smoothly cut off Seo Seol-yeong's words. Her gaze flicked between the two brothers.
"Ah, quite — there's no detaining you, so you must make good time on the road."
The strange look vanished as if it had never been, and a smile soon settled on her face.
"Namgon, then — travel safely and in good health, and Grandfather, take care on the road. And Hui-seo. Do come often."
"…Yes. I will, Sister-in-law."
"You must."
The strange mood was soon wiped away and all was warm again, but Hui-seo could not quite melt into it.
"Come then, Grandfather, let's go. Hui-seo, you too."
Hui-won beckoned with his eyes.
Unable to get a single word out, Hui-seo worked the words trapped inside his lips on the tip of his tongue, then gave up and followed behind him.
Hui-won's resolve, so rarely seen, was entirely for Hui-seo's sake.
As Hui-seo had always wished for his brother's happiness, so Hui-won wished for his brother's — this was right, it was for Hui-seo.
Surely it was.
"………"
Or was it, really?
Except at the meal, Hui-seo looked at the brush he had held tight all along without letting go.
"Then think it over well, my dear."
The whispered words, the touch — vivid even now. Could he forget them, even in resignation?
"Hui-seo, it's time to board the carriage."
If he could not forget, it would become longing, and that feeling would torment Hui-seo forever.
"When your resolve to come to my side is set — look to the right. Remember. The right. Irang."
At the suddenly surfacing fragment of memory, Hui-seo's gaze flew of its own accord to the corner on the right.
The hand gripping the brush stood out white.
"Hui-seo, what are you doing, not boarding…"
"Brother."
Just as Hui-won's head began to turn at his brother standing there staring instead of boarding the carriage, Hui-seo caught hold of him.
"…I'm sorry."
"What are you saying — Hui-seo. Woo Hui-seo!"
Hui-seo broke into a run. Hui-won called loudly after him, but it was no shackle that could stop him.
Though it wasn't far at all, having run with all his might left him breathless. Steadying his breath, Hui-seo met the Crown Prince's eyes through the gap of the open window.
"…Your Highness. Do you truly want me?"
He pressed down his trembling breath to ask.
"Beyond anything."
The Crown Prince declared it without hesitation.
"Then I have made my resolve."
A cherishing heart did not always become happiness. But if he kept suppressing it, as he always had, this day would stay with him a long while.
The door opened, and the Crown Prince held out his hand.
"………"
Hui-seo took that hand, and the Crown Prince drew him in, just as he was. He started to turn his head without thinking, but the Crown Prince's—
His hand could not bring itself to cradle the back of his head and hold it fast. Instead, Hui-seo closed his eyes, quietly caught and held in his hand.
"…I want to stake everything on it."
Hui-seo wanted to be happy. He wanted the court to be less lonely, and he wanted to be someone special to someone.
"Then I will."
That was all. That was his wish.
***
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