Of course, that Hui-won had joined the Crown Prince's household at so young an age, and enjoyed the Emperor's favor, was entirely due to his talent. And it was because Hui-won was the Crown Prince's teacher that Hui-seo had any connection to him at all… but from some moment on, the order of things could all too easily be twisted around.
"That is…."
Hui-won, about to say something, swallowed his words and looked away. At this uncharacteristic sight, Hui-seo guessed the answer in advance.
He gathered his thoughts.
It wasn't that he didn't want to go. Just a little longer — yes, just a little longer he wanted to stay. Because he had learned how sweet someone's attention could be — even the smallest scrap of affection.
"…I understand."
But he had to go, and if that was a result that could not be undone, then at the very least he did not want to trouble Hui-won's heart.
"Hui-seo."
"Your wife will be waiting. Go inside, quickly, brother. I must see to packing, so I'll take my leave now."
Hui-seo pressed his lips tight, let go of the hand he had been holding, and turned away.
"Hui-seo, wait…."
Though Hui-won called after him, Hui-seo quickened his steps. With every step his eyes grew hotter, and he did not want Hui-won, of all people, to see.
The next morning, Hui-seo handed Hui-won a letter he had finished through the night, discarding sheet after sheet of paper.
"I may not get to see His Highness before I go down… but I must at least offer my farewell."
Unless the Crown Prince summoned him, Hui-seo could not easily enter the palace — this was the only way to tell him he would be going down to Anseo.
He had no other recourse, so he could only hope His Highness would understand this discourteous farewell.
"You'll deliver it to His Highness, won't you?"
Hui-won looked with a troubled face at Hui-seo, pale from a sleepless night, and took the letter, its envelope carefully sealed.
"Very well. Let it be so. I will have this letter taken in and presented to His Highness — you go and rest. You look unwell."
"…Yes, I will."
Hui-won gently stroked Hui-seo's blanched cheek. A feverish heat could be felt in his soft touch.
"Take care on your way."
He didn't want to worry Hui-won. Hui-seo forced a smile, but the more he did, the more pained Hui-won looked. At a loss what to do at that sight, Hui-seo chose to turn away first.
The moment he returned to his quarters, he looked up at the sky.
The sky was too clear.
So clear that the coming farewell felt like a lie.
***
From the moment Hui-seo heard Grandfather's command to go down to Anseo and confirmed it with Hui-won, the people of the Soseok household too learned that they would be going down. Because of it, Soseok grew very busy with preparations for the journey down.
Seo Seol-yeong, who had received no separate word from the brothers and learned of it only then, came to Hui-seo and poured out her regrets.
"I was only just growing close to you, Master Hui-seo — what am I to do with this regret? Why would the family never have told me…."
Along with a touch of reproach toward Hui-seo.
He soothed him, saying his own regret was no less, and that it was surely his brother's upright nature that had made him think it best not to speak until Hui-seo knew — thus roundaboutly shielding Hui-won.
After a proper farewell with his brother, next came Su-a.
"…We're leaving soon — will you keep sulking?"
He spoke lightly to the child, who could not hide her hurt and sulked. Su-a gazed at Hui-seo with reddened eyes.
"You can't not go, can you?"
"That is…."
"Th-that's right! I haven't even learned all my characters yet…."
"You are clever, Su-a — you'll manage on your own without me."
"And, and… I wanted to go sneaking out at night with you one more time…!"
At the words "sneaking out," Hui-seo thought of the Crown Prince that night, then started back to himself.
"Shall we go tomorrow, then?"
"I-I… I just don't want to part…."
Tears welled in her big eyes.
"Don't cry."
Hui-seo swallowed the words — that the one who least wanted to go might be himself — and for a moment found Su-a, who showed her feelings so openly, a little overwhelming.
Was it childish petulance to put only that feeling first and cling to it?
"What a mischievous little thing you are, hm?"
The hand that gently wiped her eyes was tender.
Su-a choked up again, hiccupping, then clamped her mouth shut — and Hui-seo had to smile.
If he kept looking at Su-a's face today, they would only go on crying — so Hui-seo soothed Su-a and sent her out, then looked around the room he was left alone in.
Everything was packed; only a single travel bag sat forlorn in the corner.
As light as his coming had been, so was his going down.
Since preparing for the journey was not Hui-seo's concern, once he had packed the few changes of clothes he'd brought from Anseo and the clothes Hui-won had provided, he was done.
That was all.
It would have been better if there had been more luggage to pack. Then he could have kept busy, and idle thoughts would never have had room to rise.
He gazed blankly around the room, where there was nothing left to check, and sighed weakly.
"…Has His Highness seen my letter, I wonder."
He had sent the letter through Hui-won yesterday, but no reply had come.
Though he knew better, when he had asked Hui-won whether the letter had truly been delivered, his brother had said he had handed it to the Crown Prince himself, without fail.
His brother would sooner choose silence than speak a lie — it was not in his nature — so those words must be true.
The Crown Prince gave no answer.
"…I leave tomorrow."
Had it been wrong to send yesterday's letter?
When he had asked that the news of his return to Anseo be conveyed, he had not hoped for much. He had only wanted to see him one more time.
He had hoped the Crown Prince would feel at least a little regret at their parting with no promise of meeting again, and look back even once on the affection of the past month.
But he had not even summoned him, let alone answered.
He was downcast.
And he dared it, knowing even that was irreverent.
"Hah."
Out of habit he ran his hand down his dry face, sighing again and again.
"Young master. A carriage has come from the tangerine garden."
He heard Su-a's announcement in his ear.
If Su-a learned that the news weighed on his mind more than all her sniffling, she would be hurt — but he had no leisure to mind such things one by one.
Hui-seo fussed needlessly over his appearance, smoothing his rumpled clothes and hair once, then took a deep breath and went out.
"I'll be back. If anyone comes looking for me, pass the word along for me, will you?"
On any other day he would have announced he was stepping out to the palace for a while, but today his heart was urgent. And since this was the last time, he wanted to hurry there even a moment sooner.
"Yes," Su-a nodded, and Hui-seo lightly brushed the reddened corners of her eyes, then dashed off.
He nodded back in the same way to Won Taegam, who greeted him with a light glance, and followed after him.
His heart was bursting with questions — had His Highness felt the parting too? was that why he had called for him? — but he swallowed them with the last of his patience, and taking his seat, widened his eyes at the unexpected sight.
"…Your Highness?"
The Crown Prince, who was seated, lifted the corners of his mouth as if in answer.
Only belatedly did it dawn on him.
Having assumed he would only see the Crown Prince by entering the palace, his feet felt frozen to meet him here.
As Hui-seo stood gaping, unable even to climb into the carriage, Won Taegam nudged him from behind—
"Do climb in, young master."
"Ah, a-ah… yes. I shall."
Half-pushed by Won Taegam's urging-that-was-not-urging, he climbed into the carriage.
No sooner had he dazedly taken the opposite seat than the door closed.
"Irang, do you remember? We promised next time we'd meet in the daylight."
A few days ago, the Crown Prince who had come to Soseo had, it seemed, said something of the sort. He had never imagined those words would come true so soon.
"……"
Seeing him, it suddenly came back to him — something he had briefly forgotten in the reality of their imminent parting: that not long ago he had recognized his feelings for him.
Now that he had recognized his feelings, he had no idea at all how he ought to behave.
How had he acted before? With what expression had he looked at the Crown Prince? What if he looked strange now?
"I-I greet Your Highness."
"A little late for such a greeting."
Unlike Hui-seo, who fidgeted, trying to hide his nerves, the Crown Prince was as composed as ever. Tapping his knee with his fingers, he gave a slight tilt of his chin.
"I was quite surprised to receive your letter through Sosung. So sudden a journey home."
His trembling heart settled all at once.
"I did stay longer than planned, and with time pressing, I feared I might leave without seeing Your Highness, so I asked my brother to convey a letter — and now you've come to find me yourself… I don't know what to do with myself."
"We've grown fond of each other in the meantime. Or am I the only one who feels this way?"
At the question, he hastily shook his head. "I—I feel the same way."
It was plainly nothing but polite small talk, yet his heart fluttered helplessly all the same.
"To think Irang and I feel the same — how truly fortunate."
The Crown Prince's eyes crinkled, and Hui-seo, not knowing what to do with himself, curled his fingers together.
The carriage felt far too small. Each time they shifted, the vivid press of knees meeting, the loud rustle of sleeves — every sensation rang clear.
He inched his hips back, trying to put even a little distance between them, then froze, thinking such a chance would never come again. Even to himself it was a foolish thing to do; the tips of his ears burned for no reason, and he felt the carriage gradually slowing.
"We've arrived."
Eunuch Won announced their arrival from outside.
Dazed as he was from sharing the same space as the Crown Prince, he knew from his comings and goings that the palace was still a good quarter-hour away at the least.
But arrived already?
Unlike the bewildered Hui-seo, the Crown Prince looked perfectly at ease. Sure enough, what showed through the open crack of the door was not the palace but a deserted alley.
"Shall we get out?"
"But, Your Highness—"
Hui-seo gazed at him, hesitating.
"What — surely you're not afraid I'll kidnap you and lock you away?"
"That's not what I meant. Only, this is not the palace gate, is it?"
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