← How a Guide Copes with the Loss of an Esper
“Give me your life.”
Though his throat was seized, Jang Jaewan shook his head, eyes lowered. He looked obedient, as if he’d permit even his life to be taken. Foolishly so.
“Nayun.”
“You said you’d give it to me.”
Nayun whispered in a feverish voice. Nausea rose at the dark emotion possessing his mind, then his head went white.
Where his fingers touched, Jang Jaewan’s pulse beat through. Irrational joy spread, wiping away the pain.
Thump, thump.
Life pulsed and throbbed. It was the living Jang Jaewan.
“See? You can’t resist. You still love me, don’t you?”
“I came back because I was worried about you.”
Pressed close, heat rose between their bodies. A heartbeat he couldn’t tell was his or not kept ringing in his ears. Nayun shook his head to silence it.
A little more force and he could snap his neck.
“You’re very worked up right now.”
“I have no intention of stopping.”
Nayun shook off the hand catching his arm. Seeing the eyes where hazy beauty drifted past, he twisted his lips.
“See, you came to see me because I did crazy things. Why would I stop?”
“Quit the monster disposal team.”
“If you’re not here, I’ll keep doing it.”
Boom. A bomb, from who knew where, exploded nearby and the hull shook violently.
The timing caught everyone off guard. Nayun lost his balance from the noise and vibration. But a solid grip caught him at once.
At the explosion, Jang Jaewan yanked Nayun in and pressed him against the wall. Pinned in the reversed position in an instant, Nayun let out a hollow laugh.
“You protect me even at a moment like this.”
An ill-fitting laugh threatened to escape. But what came out of his mouth was only a hissing leak of air.
See. This is how I’m protected.
Jang Jaewan, who moments ago had been held like a captured beast, now kept him beneath him, taking the vibrations head-on.
“You’re still you.”
“Shut up and get your head down.”
The hardened jawline entered his vision.
“And you were going to leave me, with that…”
Nayun embraced the body caging him. Grabbing his collar, he pressed his lips down. Jang Jaewan’s pupils dilated rapidly. For a moment he seemed to forget where they were. The eyes widened in surprise soon turned languid.
It was unclear who was pulling whom. The esper’s wavelength, having met its match, bounced around unable to find its place.
Then a moan slipped from Jang Jaewan’s lips and his knees buckled weakly. Nayun naturally slipped a leg in to support the collapsing body.
“How…”
Disbelief mixed into Jang Jaewan’s low voice. Nayun smiled with closed lips. For his legs to give out from a single kiss — unthinkable for an esper.
“How do you think I know how to guide?”
“Thanks to someone, I’m the first guide running the field without an esper.”
“Why go through that suffering? I told you not to. What did I leave you for?”
It was anger, but in a completely unexpected direction. Nayun could neither laugh nor cry, standing there.
“That’s what you’re angry about?”
He knew the smile spreading across that face like wildfire. The blue roses he’d been given, the smell of ash and soot — he remembered. Wanting to strangle him and wanting to feel the warmth in his arms, the dark emotion rose at the contradiction.
“Thinking only of your safety, I wiped out half the rebels. Every minute, every hour, every moment. Imagine what I felt enduring that…”
“Now’s not the time to worry about me.”
Should I lock him up so he can never go anywhere?
“Your wavelength. It’s a mess.”
They’d never imprinted, but they’d been a pair for a long time. They knew each other’s bodies well. If a guide could give guiding to an esper, he could also take it back.
“Nayun, please… what do you want me to do…”
Jang Jaewan let out a moan-like sound. At last he realized what situation he was in.
Nayun curled the corners of his lips. The field was no place for a guide with no pair esper. To survive, he had no choice but to hone even his meager talents into a perfect analysis.
You don’t know, but this is my second long-term skill.
Leaving only enough faint energy that Jang Jaewan wouldn’t rampage, he’d taken most of it.
“What you’re doing is dangerous. If you’re in front of me right now, I can’t hold back. I tried so hard not to approach you. What state do you think I’m in…”
“You must have held out on drug guiding.”
Jang Jaewan’s guiding levels were always atrocious. His ability was outstanding, but it burned through energy just as fast. Now his guiding was completely bottomed out.
Jang Jaewan shook his head with effort. Reason slowly clouded over his anxious face. He looked like a wolf drooling at prey, chasing the heat.
Nayun watched without lifting a finger. Seeing the guide so relaxed despite him—
Jang Jaewan blinked.
“You can’t handle it. You have no idea how long I’ve held back. I’ll obviously lose my mind and pounce on you.”
“That’s exactly what I want.”
Jang Jaewan clutched his head like a madman, muttering that it couldn’t be. Nayun, the actual party involved, only waited leisurely.
Hunger for guiding consumed an esper’s self-control. To live. To forget the pain.
It felt like seconds, minutes, hours had passed. Jang Jaewan lifted his bowed head. Nayun smiled. The light had gone completely out of the eyes revealed between his lids — now all he could see was his guide.
Jang Jaewan lunged like a beast. His lips were devoured with a hunger incomparable to before.
It was a kiss with more bitterness than rapture. Their breathing tangled messily, and an eerie sensation made his head buzz. Nayun wrapped his arms around Jang Jaewan’s neck and bit at his lips as if clinging.
Nayun poured out guiding like bursting a dam he’d held shut. From that alone, blood beaded on Jang Jaewan’s hand where the glass had lodged, and new flesh sprouted.
***
[Bibi, why did you leave your post?]
The team leader’s incredulous voice came through the earpiece in his ear. Unauthorized absence during an operation meant a disciplinary report.
“Team leader. Give me one hour. No, two hours. I’ll return after.”
[What? Where are you right now?]
“The cabin. Something important came up.”
Outside, chaos was breaking out, but this place was quiet, as if cut off from the world.
“Nayun.”
Jang Jaewan stirred awake. Nayun raised a hand and stroked his chin like scratching a beast’s neck.
“Yeah, I’m here.”
There was no trace of anyone in the cabin. He’d slipped in as he found it.
It felt like he wouldn’t notice even if the world ended here, and Nayun was satisfied. Right now a barrier wrapped around this place.
Knowing what he was doing was insane, Nayun couldn’t stop. If he let go, Jang Jaewan would never appear again.
He didn’t have the confidence to endure that twice. He’d rather bind him to his side so he could never go anywhere — that would feel satisfying.
[Where’s anyone who can do what you do?]
“At the end, when we wrap up, I’ll go. There are plenty of espers besides me.”
[There’s no guide who does what you do. Do I have to say it myself?]
Even so, the moments a guide was needed were limited. Most of the operation was the espers’ share. And what needed him was here. Not there. So he had to be here.
“Last time I saved your life, team leader. You still haven’t repaid that.”
Silence flowed from the other end. Nayun read hesitation in it. He pushed harder.
“Just two hours. That’s all.”
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